InsaneJournal

Unavoidable
For a change, winter had loosened its grip on Chicago in its final weeks; hints of spring were in the air and Izzy left the heavy jacket that had been her constant companion for months behind in her closet in favor of a light sweater to ward off what chill there was. The tech-witch almost didn't want to go inside as she reached Logan's apartment building, but the desire to see her boyfriend won out over the warm breeze and before long she was knocking on his door.

It had taken a nearly Herculean effort to clean up the apartment and return it to normal, but Logan knew that was because of the sheer volume of the "message" left for him. Logan had kept every last photograph and piece of deranged memorabilia, stuffing them all in cardboard boxes in the far corner of the living room. It wasn't so much the sentimentality of it all, but the former Watcher was treating it all as evidence. There could be clues as to Diego's plans and whereabouts, and the sooner that vampire was found, the sooner someone could finally dust his ass once and for all.

If that leech ever touched Izzy, Logan would have to do it himself. Yeah ... nice wish.

The knock on his door coincided with the timer going off to signal the pasta was ready. Tonight's menu was a soft fettuccine dish, coupled with a small cut of sirloin, cooked medium well and a caesar salad. Not the most extravagant thing in the world, but Logan knew to stick with what he knew when it came to the culinary arts; experimenting would probably not end well for anyone.

Wiping his hands after turning off the heat, Logan grabbed the doorknob and turned. "Hey," he said with a smile, leaning in for a kiss before stepping aside for Izzy to enter. It had been too long since he'd seen his girlfriend, given recent events, and the former Watcher was glad for the quiet night to come.

"You look nice."

"Thanks!" Izzy beamed at him and returned the kiss. She hadn't seen him in too long, and even with the conversation with Juliet putting some things in perspective Izzy still cared about him. "You look pretty good yourself, handsome"

She breezed into the apartment and glanced about, satisfied that nothing seemed to have changed since she'd last been there. Whatever had happened with Diego, the vampire hadn't managed to have anything happen to Logan's place.

"Something smells good, what's for dinner?"

"Fettuccine and sirloin," the former Watcher answered, heading into the kitchen and giving the living room another glance. Was the box of photos visible from the dining table? He hoped not; the last thing Logan wanted was for this potentially nice evening to be ruined by a thorough explanation of what Diego left behind. She already knew he'd done something, and targeted her, and the proper measures were being taken. Why go into further detail?

The time between now and the last time he'd seen Izzy gave the former Watcher a lot of time to consider where his relationship with Izzy was going. He felt like he'd been falling for her in recent months, even going so far as to say the L word in the middle of the horror of New Year's Eve, but there was no real way for him to tell, without talking to Izzy about it, where they stood and where they were going.

He hoped they were progressing, but he wasn't exactly in a hurry about it. His relationship with Francis had been rather sudden -- quick to develop and deepen. Logan wouldn't really mind if things with Izzy took a little slower path. In fact, he thought they already were.

"Whaddya say?" he added opening the fridge. "Tonight a wine night?"

"With sirloin and fettuccine?" Izzy looked at him askance for even asking. "You have to serve wine. It's state law, everyone knows it." Her lips curved into a smile as the words passed through them, repeating one of the catch phrases of a popular character on a morning radio show.

"I feel like it's been forever since I've seen you, how are you? Any word on Diego?" She hoped that soon the vampire would be just a pile of dust out on the street, to be carried away by the wind that was so common in these parts.

"Not since the little show he had someone put on in here," Logan answered, pulling out a bottle of red wine and grabbing a pair of glasses from the overhead cabinet. "He's been laying surprisingly low; maybe he's gotten smarter."

The former Watcher immediately chuckles; no, that couldn't possibly be the case. Diego was many things -- brutal, sadistic, incredibly strong -- but intelligent never had been, nor ever would be, on that list. He was sure what to make of Diego's low profile, and Logan had to wonder if the recent hubbub over Avery was due at least in part to some plan that vampire concocted. Diego already made it clear Logan's death wasn't his endgame -- rather, he wanted to take apart the former Watcher's life one block at a time.

So far, no such luck.

"Store's picking up again," he added, eager to change the subject for now. "Hired a part-time psychic, I guess you could call him. Lotta customers have been asking about readings, and Lorne has the ability, so it seemed to fit."

"Lorne? I don't think I've heard of him." Izzy accepted the change in subject, having heard what information there was to hear on Logan's tormentor. "I'm glad that the store is picking up again, those protesters were nasty. Avery didn't deserve all that."

The tech-witch had been sorely tempted to put a hex on the people demonstration outside the store, and only the Threefold Law had stopped her. They might have been annoying, but there hadn't been any physical harm done.

"So what else are you planning to add?" She smirked as she watched him pour the wine. "You've got a vampire, witch, and psychic all on staff, what's next, a Succubus in the back room?"

"Definitely not ... I don't need any more protests," Logan laughed as he poured two glasses of wine and set them on the dining table, taking a sideways glance to make sure once and for all the box of photos wasn't visible from there. If they discussed those, it would be later ... not when they were sitting down to a nice dinner after hardly seeing each other for a couple weeks. Logan was worried about Diego, but he wasn't going to let that fact get in the way of enjoying other aspects of his life.

He'd never give the vampire that satisfaction.

"Demon psychic," Logan added, fetching the bowl of pasta and placing it on the table as well before wiping his hands and holding out the chair for Izzy to sit in. He might've been born up north, but Eugene Guevera still raised a gentleman. "Lorne's from a dimension called Pylea. He can sense auras and all that, but he can't dive too deep into your psyche until you sing. He ran a karaoke bar in Las Vegas a few years back.

"Trust me, he's completely harmless. Unless you count black-and-pink suits."

"I'll have to meet him sometime, sounds interesting." Izzy accepted the gentlemanly act and smiled at him as he pushed the chair back in and moved to sit himself. She couldn't help but wrinkle her nose at the mention of black and pink suits. "On a guy? That just sounds wrong. Is he a cross-dresser or something?"

Logan shrugged and gave a clueless gaze, sitting in his seat and unfolding the napkin beside his plate. "Not sure," he said. "I don't really know how his species traditionally dresses. He didn't say much about where he was from -- I kinda got the impression he wasn't keen on the subject."

Scooping some of the pasta onto his plate and pouring it beside his piece of sirloin, the former Watcher passed a small bowl of buttered breadsticks to Izzy so she could take one before he added a stick to his own plate. Setting the bowl of bread aside, Logan rolled his eyes at the sirens suddenly began blaring outside his apartment. It seemed in one way or another, the city never took a night off.

"How's life for you?" he asked, realizing they hadn't even really talked much of late. Whether it was because they were so busy or because of other issues, he didn't know. Logan hoped Izzy wasn't distancing herself from him because of Diego's return.

"You know how it goes Logan," Izzy felt a little bad that they hadn't spent much time together lately. She'd seen more of Juliet than she had her own boyfriend. It hadn't been her intention, but it did give the appearance of avoiding him. "Work's kept me busy and I was doing some projects in the shop besides. Old habits die hard, I guess."

The former Watcher nodded as he took a bite of sirloin, instantly glad he decided to stop cooking just before the meat became well done. The slightest bit of pink added so much more flavor, and Logan knew without a doubt it was still safe. Truth be told, it was one of the tamer recipes held within what was left of the Guevera family.

"Been doing a couple things on the side myself," he said, pausing to take a sip of wine. "Took another trip down by the barricade, you saw what I found. Poked around a little into my little friend, but I haven't looked too hard."

Once the initial shock and anger over Diego passed, Logan found himself not too terribly concerned. Maybe it was the realization that Chicago was almost swimming in White Hats, maybe it was the fact that the vampire hadn't hurt anyone that he knew of yet. From what Logan could tell, Diego was merely grandstanding, undoubtedly upset that killing Francis didn't turn Logan into a broken shell of a man.

"Hopefully we can find a few days of a calm once things warm up more, just relax, maybe take a vacation."

"Vacation?" Izzy managed to keep her voice halfway normal, but there was no mistaking the surprise and anxiety that word invoked. Maybe she should have tried to avoid him after all.

She tried to cover her reaction with a sip of wine, and hoped Logan would just interpret it as surprise.

Arching a brow, Logan twirled his fork into the pasta, gathering a bite before taking it. "Yeah," he answered once he was done with that bite, wiping the corner of his mouth with his napkin and taking another sip of wine. "Nothing huge, just ... I dunno, either a few days back in New York or somewhere else in the country."

In a lot of ways, owning a business was similar to being a Watcher -- especially in the sense that one didn't have a lot in the way of personal time. The thought of being able to just get away for a few days was an appealing one; Logan hadn't had a true day off since the immediate aftermath of his firing from the Council. Even that had seen the bookstore owner doing some work, as he was in the beginning stages of getting Thoth's Library from concept to reality.

Izzy took a bite of her meal and debated how to respond to his idea. She liked Logan, she really did, but going on vacation together was a step she wasn't ready to take. Juliet's words came back to her and the tech-witch knew she owed it to Logan to be straight with him, but they were having such a nice time and she didn't want to hurt him.

Give her a technical problem to solve any day, they were a lot easier to deal with than relationships.

"I could see why you'd want to go back and visit New York, see your folks." There. A nice, safe response.

The former Watcher's brows shot skyward, and Logan couldn't help but chuckle a bit after studying Izzy's reaction. The thought of a vacation for the two of them didn't sit well with her just yet, which didn't upset Logan the way he might've expected. Another bite of pasta, followed by a bite of sirloin and a hit of wine, and Logan reached his hand across to Izzy's, giving it a soft squeeze.

"It's okay to say you're not ready yet," he assured. "It won't break me."

Truth was, Logan didn't have much in the way of relationship experience, so he was relatively clueless when it came to time tables and when to take what step. Things had progressed quickly with Francis, though the former Watcher knew that wasn't the norm. He'd done his best to be patient with Izzy, careful to keep things going at whatever pace she felt comfortable with. While Logan was initially disconcerted that Izzy never returned his expression of love on New Year's Eve, he'd decided that was probably for the best. Something told him she didn't feel that way just yet, but that didn't mean she never would.

There was nothing wrong with slowing things down. It made it easier to tell if this was going in the right direction. As long as Izzy didn't outright dump him, the former Watcher would be more than willing to work through things at the proper speed and be happy with what they did have.

A lesson learned from Francis: enjoy every moment given. Don't spend so much time looking down the road.

"I'm sorry, Logan," Izzy forced herself to meet his eyes, it took a bit of effort but she managed. "I'm better with machines and magic than I am people. You're a great guy, and I mean that, but I've got to be honest: I like you a lot, but I'm not in love with you. I don't know if I will be, either."

"If you'd rather I leave, I'll understand."

Logan took a few moments to think things over, using a sip of wine to buy himself some time. He also spent more time than usual chewing on a piece of steak; he'd expected something to this degree and was largely okay with it. But he hadn't been prepared for the I don't know if I will be part; that one was the proverbial ton of bricks upside his head. His gaze averted momentarily before returning to the blonde sitting across from him. Part of Logan did in fact want her to leave, but the rest of him just wanted to understand. Maybe it was the journalist within, maybe it was the former Watcher ... or maybe it was the man who, one dead Slayer aside, really had no idea how this sort of thing worked.

He thought things had been going well, violence with mutants and protesting nutcases aside. Had things grown stagnant in the relationship and he not realized it? It was possible, given how rarely they saw each other anymore -- not to mention Izzy's seeming lack of concern when it came to Diego. Not that Logan was shaking in his boots over the vampire anymore, but still ... it seemed like Izzy wasn't the least bit concerned.

If he was honest with himself, Logan wasn't sure how that made him feel.

"I just want to know," he spoke slowly and softly, lifting his wine glass and staring for a moment at the contents, "why? Is it something about me, or are we just not ... hell, I dunno, this is kinda new to me ... not compatible or something?"

"It's not you, Logan, Gods no." Izzy felt like she were suddenly in one of those bad romance novels, the ones where the heroine uttered the cheesy line 'it's not you, it's me.' If the floor were to open her up and swallow her whole, she wouldn't protest a bit, just to get her out of the awkward situation she'd put herself into. "You're a great guy. Handsome, smart, funny, you own your own business and you treat me like a Queen. That's one of the things that's bothering me ... I should be falling all over myself when it comes to you, but I'm not. I can't explain why, I'm not sure myself. I like you and I enjoy spending time with you, but ..." The tech-witch shrugged helplessly. His reaction had been exactly why she'd been so reluctant to mention her problems to begin with.

The last thing she'd wanted to do was hurt him.

Her childhood hadn't been the best when it came to figuring out relationships, but Izzy wasn't going to blame her issues on that. "Maybe I'm just being overcautious, I don't know. I think like an engineer, problem solving, but this is a problem I don't know how to solve. Maybe time will fix it, but maybe not."

Thinking he'd be okay with a conversation along these lines had been one thing; actually having said conversation was another matter entirely. The appetite he had for this lavish meal was suddenly lost; the only thing the former Watcher wanted right now was the rest of the wine. He finished what little was left in his glass, in part to give him a few more seconds to figure out what to say next. He poured himself another glass, his brow furrowing.

What exactly was happening here?

Taking another sip, Logan took a deep breath to steel himself. Forcing himself to look at his girlfriend -- still current? soon-to-be ex? -- he noticed the exasperated look on her face.. He felt a pang of guilt for that, but the guilt changed to a confusion he couldn't quite place. He knew why he was confused, but he hadn't the slightest clue how to make things clearer.

"So, uhh," he finally spoke, his voice shakier than he'd hoped, "are we ... are we breaking up?"

Logan's question crystallized the situation for Izzy and she took a deep pull from the wine, her appetite gone. "I guess we are," she said quietly, looking down at her plate for a moment before looking up at his face. It hurt just to look at him and her own voice was pretty shaky when she continued. "Honestly, how much time have we spent together since New Years? We've just ... drifted apart, and I guess that's my fault. I'm sorry, Logan, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you."

The tech-witch got up from the table and collected her purse, figuring it was probably better that she left. She slung the purse over her arm and blinked to clear tears from her eyes as she walked to the door.

"I'm sorry."

It felt like Logan was frozen to his chair. This definitely wasn't what he imagined, although in retrospect he guessed he should've seen something like this coming. Izzy was right about how little time they'd spent together since New Year's, and he had a sneaking suspicion he knew why. It was purely academic, if they were in fact breaking up, but some part of him just hand to know.

"Before you leave," he forced himself to say, "I have to know ... on New Year's, did you hear me? When I told you I loved you before you left to fix the wall?"

Izzy stopped in her tracks and looked over at him, her hand on the door handle. "No, I didn't." If she had, maybe they could have discussed it right afterward and spared themselves some of the heartache. "There was so much going on that I was focused on trying to help out. I wish I had, I'm sorry."

Finally, Logan stood. Approaching the door, and the beautiful blonde he foolishly believed he'd never lose, the former Watcher took in her frame for a few moments. Flash bulbs pulsed in his brain -- bumping into her on that rooftop, seeing her wide smile for the first time. Her inexplicable amazement at Casablanca even though she swore up and down she'd seen it countless times before. The way she understood when he first told her of Francis. The first time they made love. The way she positively beamed when he first opened the store. The smell of her perfume. The way she looked so cute after a day in her workstation, sweaty and covered in grease and a strand of blond hair hovering over her face.

Closing his eyes for a moment to gather himself, Logan reached out and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear before grabbing her shoulder. He gave her a soft kiss, forcing a smile in spite of the sea of torment roiling within him. "I'm not gonna stop you," he said, cringing as his voice cracked. "Forcing you to stay'll only make this worse. Just ... do me one favor.

"Talk to Lorne."

He took a deep breath, wishing his hand would stop shaking. "Even if it doesn't save us."

"It's better if I just go, Logan. For both of us." Izzy smiled shakily and reached up to put a hand over his. "I'm sorry it happened this way, and I promise I'll talk to Lorne."

She leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips, remembering the good times they'd shared over the past year. Then she pulled back and opened the door. "Take care of yourself, Logan ..." Anything else she could say would just make things worse and it was obvious that he was taking this very hard.

With tears in her eyes, the tech-witch opened the door and slipped out.